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F is for Jason

[ website | Damn Nation ]
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[09 Jan 2012|07:15pm]
Half of me went to that interview not wanting to work there, but was going to do it because...well thats what adults do. Im trying to do this "adult" thing, because in actuality I dont have anymore hands outs coming my way. And, its nothing I can charm my way out of. New York, was and still is going great. Its a wonderful place to live. The first six months flew by, along with that job I had, and a relationship that proved to be pointless...Coming back (just got back from a California vacation which majority was paid for by friends and parents) I have seemed to get myself into a slump. I ate my last 3 potatoes, and the last of the 5.00 that I have to my name is going to the subway so I can go to this interview. Im riding on this interview...



Cheers to getting back on top of things.
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hi [06 Jan 2012|02:54am]
It is sickening that I am actually in Love with Andre this much.
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kthanxBYE [11 Oct 2008|10:39am]
[ mood | lazy ]



Why would I change the size?



How else would get excited to see me again. For anyone that still uses this site.

"get up, get up, get up!" "want, want, want!"
Two things that I didnt do, and something that I should put into good priority. I have been stuck on the same position for almost a year. Nothing picking up, nothing getting better, nothing getting worse. Not being able to budget in the things that are most needed. Cancel the things that are weighing me down into this slump that "seems" to be too hard to crawl out of. But on a good note, I have never doubted myself, depressed myself, or......looked trashy? Shame starbucks job that I refuse to either leave or advance in. It started with me being lazy, and then I got a reputation around work. One of being a person not to really care about much. Just trying to get a pay check. But now that I want a bigger one it will be hard to achieve with this title around my shoulder. All and all it is most about want more money. Thus money making life more enjoyable. I have been at the same parent owned house. Briefly.....VERY briefly trying to pack up and start a new in pasadena.
Still ashamed of school....part the money situation because they probably would like the money that I owe them. But not caring, and thinking that at the time it wasnt important enough to take care of. Not being back to bite me in the ass it is much harder, and more important than ever to take care of. Thus making me feel that I would actually have to "get up". What will take it to get me up. "The embarrassment it not enough to drive you to better". This should be, and it will be. This month is money saved, this month is probably a sign for change. Again but that would "get up" thing. Especially now that I have to do this by myself... Also 22 years if age, I should be ok with this. :)
ha...alcohol soon will not be a requirement for the week.
Wow. I do need to move I need a healthy start. Im too dependent here.
5 comments|post comment

Living life on the D-List [21 Jan 2008|05:52pm]
To spark up a cigarette would be nice right now. This will be put on hold due to lack of income. So, if everything were to go according to plan. I would have had my job transfer in time. Then move at the date I should be. of course, it hasnt. I couldnt tell you what the hold up is. So, I have a week left at my home, and my another job is ready for me. Im pretty much going to pack, and live from house to house, until ready. I probably could stay home, and live here longer. But at what age do you become a burden to your parents? Probably once your 21, and just working... Not really wowing anyone. I wondered how do people get into financial troubles with there homes? Cant they always move back with their parents? Answer. No. Why should I have to be such a burden. Therefore, I decided to move out even if my job in pasadena isnt ready. If I continue to work out here, while jumping house to house to car. I should be fine. All the while applying at more places in Pasadena.
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[11 Jan 2008|03:44am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

Apparently being attractive isnt enough for people... You have to be Understanding, considerate, not so self centered.

What the fuck man.... That so much work.

I thought putting myself before everything was cute.


No?

Well excuse me... I will go take a seat.

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[01 Oct 2007|02:05am]
[ mood | content ]

When I dont have control of situations, I tend to react in different ways that what I want to. After talking to Jeff, sitting on top of my car. He continued to express how he wont ever approve of Steven and I. Which was the same feelings he expressed with Andre and I, and Joel and I. Those to people, I hand control over my feelings with. Joel was a complete vegan "save the world" idiot. We were FAR too different. I rarely care about things that wont out right concern me. And with that we argued, and I ended it. Andre wasnt offcial at all... Despite drunken nights. Around a guy that is 6 something, works out, and bipolar probably wasnt good for me. Physically fighting eachother, turned into me losing to him. How did that end? Haha, he got a girlfriend. Only called when they fought. So I ended it. Steven started, and almost like John two years back, has this lingering "We had to end it, but we still like eachother" Thing going on. Leaves me asking the same question I used to ask John. "What the hell are we doing, and if we like other, why did we end it." That usually makes path for a second term in the relationship office. If I dont end it, its harder for me to let go. Which is the same for everyone I am sure. I hate talking about this with him, because I always have to bring it up. Get this.... People are intimidated by me. When I put myself up on a mountain, they always place themselves on a hill... My boyfriend was drugs last year, sometimes I wish we didnt break up.

1 comment|post comment

HowSweet [02 Apr 2007|01:53am]


How Sweet 2007.
you should of been there
3 comments|post comment

mhhhhmmmm [25 Feb 2007|02:27am]


Holla.
g'night
5 comments|post comment

funny [11 Feb 2007|04:45am]



haha. i think what we did made me jealous. Only a little, first I had to know what you have I didnt have, what you do I couldnt do, and how does it last longer than I had.


And I dont want you back, just that feeling. And waiting is no longer an option. In the past waiting lead to a fling we had, then back to normal, then a fling yet again. Haha, and it has even been so long, its like we didnt even meet at all. I've changed so much, and maybe for the worst. Hell, you even stayed boring. Ive always learned to never change people. They come out annoying. As any other person would want to know, "do you think about me at all in your day-to-day life?" Doesnt matter how, Out of spite, or out of a liking, or maybe even neutral. But asking would seem I harbor some type of feeling, and it is far too embarrassing. Write these thoughts, (though bare with me they are just thoughts) is already embarrassing enough. But think of this, I will admit ti having somewhat of an ego. And, the countless people that I have been with really mean nothing to me. But someone how you stuck. I think it is because I never have real feelings for people. So a stupid girl that gave it up to the football player (That just wanted sex) for the first time. I am stuck, stuck and wondering. Could I be this great? My flaws are over-looked by so many people Except for you. For some reason, that and you as little as it is, matter to me. Lying before saying "This is it", or now telling the truth saying "This is it." I believe that what ever it is now? Yeah. This is it. Ive told some, things dont always have a fairy tale ending. Things cant have one, if they have already ended. This is all just a rambling thought at 5am. So dont jump to anything. I just havent had feeling for a person in almost 1 year.
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[29 Jan 2007|07:42pm]



I dont think I was happy for awhile because I started moving backwards. I finally moved out into an apartment a while ago. and it doesnt seem like anything that I thought it would be. I find myself to be at my parents home more that I am at my own. Mainly because I dont have my car anymore. That being the case maybe, it WASNT a good idea to move out s quickly. I really did want to try it out and see where I could get with it. I do know that it is possible and I can do it. Just with a different roommate. I like Jenny very much so. But being that we arent as close as a lot of my other friends, it doesnt feel like a home. More so much as me just rent a room out. And when I leave home, I just the place that is occupying my residence to feel like a home.


If you are stcuk at a dead end job. Then you should leave. Plain and simple. And, I cannot seem to grasp that concept. Why am I still working at the hospital? I hate it, the pay could be better, and my uniform makes me look like the genie from Aladin. It really is a dead end job. And I have yet to really apply somewhere else. Starting tomorrow. :)
3 comments|post comment

no subject [07 Jan 2007|03:11pm]



so im almost done moving into my new apt.
I cant explain why they make tv's so effing heavy.
good day
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[31 Oct 2006|12:18pm]




Happy Raving
inspired by Davey H.
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[24 Oct 2006|01:18pm]

Dear Live journal. why the fuck would you still charge people.
when no one uses this?...



what you have been missing...



my shopping...









and my next rave



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[19 Sep 2006|12:22am]



I went shopping...and spent 300 bucks.

That is all.
2 comments|post comment

New status [27 Aug 2006|02:01am]
[ mood | satisfied ]



While in a car ride, I decided that I want to grow up.
And listening to a friend of mine explain that she wants
to move out on account of she will be turning 20 next year,
really made me realize things. I will be 20 this year, and I
complained so much that my parents are making me pay rent.
I complained that I have to work a full time, and go to school
full time. But why is that even really a problem? If, I have to
worl full time and school full time, I might as well move out.
So with the plan that the we established our senior year of high school,
I think it should be about time that we move to Pasadena. The good thing is
we can use Odessa as an example, knowing that it could/can be done. My first
step is to sell my car. We will see where we are at next semister.

Also, I dropped last weekend. Nothing really big, maybe because it was what
I had, or the fact that I did it so much in the past. It lost its allure to me.
I mean, I like it and all... But I am starting to get sick of it. Knowing that it
isnt good for me. Maybe "together as one" will be the last rave that I
go to.

3 comments|post comment

[11 Aug 2006|05:18pm]



Mixed signals are ugly. But now this gives me a
reason to want to go to work. :)






2 comments|post comment

[01 Aug 2006|10:18pm]
2 comments|post comment

who does it anyways? [30 Jul 2006|02:38am]


Im back from Hollywood.


Which has now split my personality into two. Weston inspired me to read a book again. I will honest to god tell you that, I have not read a book in over a year.

Problem? Yes.
Solution? Read.
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[26 Jul 2006|11:22pm]
SO if my brother wasnt such a weak ass push over
maybe, Id have a home to live in.



my parents want money. I dont have any use for them right now

I am seriously living in my car
3 comments|post comment

... [23 Jul 2006|08:29pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Quick question.
Is it possible to turn straight from gay?
If so, can being gay be a genetic
or a choice?
4 comments|post comment

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